New beginnings

So I've been living the single life for four months now.  I never thought I would be here again.  My marriage was supposed to last forever.   In reality, my marriage failed.  We fell out of love.  The fairy tale had a different ending.

I've spent hours trying to figure out where things went wrong.  Truth is, they were never right.  Sure there were happier times, special moments, laughter shared.  It just wasn't enough to sustain us.  We weren't meant to be. 

I think I fell in love with the idea of marriage, of sharing my life with another person.  I wanted to have a family, have someone to nurture, have someone to love.  In the end, love didn't lead to happiness.  Love didn't prevail.

Now I'm thirty three and starting over again.  So much has changed.  Being a single parent is lonely.  My girls are angry and sad.  They need me, even though they don't always want to admit it.  Most of the time I'm able to hold it together.  Other times, when no ones around,  I fall apart.  

For many years, I lost sight of who I was.  I struggled to hold on to a man who was never mine to begin with.  I fought to hold on to myself.  Now I'm scared of being alone forever, of never again falling in love .  Despite the fear, I'm taking time to rediscover myself.  What I've learned is that I'm pretty damn amazing. 

It may take years for Mr. Right to come along.  I can patiently wait.  I deserve to be with someone who loves every single piece of me...even those that are damaged and broken.  I'm not going to settle for less.
I still believe in marriage, in living happily ever after.  Most importantly, I believe in me.